Cutting

Self mutilation; masochism- words usually associated with cutting. People who act upon themselves with pain are seen as freaks. This type (mostly referred to as goth, as most of them would wear black) likes to say they are normal people, just more heart-broken. If this is true then one who is heart-broken should completely understand why some would succumb to cutting.

Heart-break is not simply the rising of a pain that sheds depression and hate into the individual, it's much more. Those who havn't felt it might think it's just a simple sadness and state of mind, but it's not. It's pain, a heavy agony that weighs down on you, a sickness that infects your soul, and sometimes it doesn't go away. Some might attempt to release the pain through the flesh; by making the pain real, one might hope that it might be able to heal.

Only after feeling heart-break for yourself can you truly understand.

Another Possible Reason for Restrain

Like any other theory, this one could prove wrong; and if it's like any of the others, it probably is.

A brand new epiphany has struck me. If it is accurate, then I have been analyzing everything incorrectly. I have to change more than I thought, and prove it's possibility before i take too rash of actions. But, of course, it is still just a theory.

I feel like Pandora's box.

If I finally have figured out the truth, and everything leading up to this point has not been fear, nor digust, but resentment, then maybe there is still a hope. One last hope of all hopes.

I dont know yet if the motions of what is going to happen has already been triggered, or if everything is still carefully being set up all to fall. All I know, is that I don't know the end to this.

Heart of Glass

I gave myself to you. My life, my soul, and everything I could ever give you. I tried everything. In the beginning you wanted me to be with you, so I did. I held onto you through the worst, but all you wanted was for me to let go, so I did. But I have not been set free. I'm still locked in a cage that holds my life braced against yours; I'm still held against a wall by these chains and locks. Your will still guides my hand, and until you lock yourself here with me or unbind me with truth, I will remain.

Maybe I have been mistaken. Maybe my heart is not bound by yours. Maybe it was you who gave me your heart. Maybe I had grasped it too hard, and your fragile heart could not take it. You warned me to loosen my grip, and I tried, but there was a point where I felt the only way to loosen my grip any more was to let you go, so I did. Maybe I ignored your heart shattering, and only worried about my own. Maybe I don't know how to fix it, but time has seemed to heal you so well, I thought if I could pick you up one last time everything would be fine. I'll soon find out how well you've healed, and if you'll trust me to hold your heart again.

Is it just me, or is life beyond pointless? I dont feel like getting into the details again...

I feel sick, frustrated, angry, depressed, and yet somehow apathetic.

Slash,
Skin,
Blood,
Pain,
Take me,
Death,
Sick of everything...

Walking backward through myself I can see the holes I've torn in you, healing, locking me out of the once perfect temple of love that now remains forbidden. Forbidden to me, to you forsaken, and as many times as I've scratched at the walls, giving up all pride, reaching toward you to let me in, it's your turn to reach out and forgive me. It's your turn so say sorry. It's your turn to find my heart buried silence.